Category Archives: Fails

RIP Terra Chips

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Hains now owns TERRA chips, and all flavors but the plain ‘original’ now have adulterations of sugar, yeast extract… And really don’t taste so exotic. These tasted like the same flavor palettes of regular ‘junk’ chips. I always bought Terra because they were different. Shame! ;(

::KB::

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Kale chip attempt 1

I seem to have a problem with burning things. On stoves. In ovens. In the dryer.

So it’s no surprise that my first attempt at kale chips, would result in some kale-flavored charcoal.

 

burnt kale chips.

so…. crispy.

I seasoned the kale with oil and salt, and broiled in the oven. Tips burned while bottoms were still mushy. Baking them seems to be a bit more successful…

I really like crispy kale, though.

 

::BK::

 

 

 

 

 

 

Cracker fails, volume 1

So this week I attempted several sorts of non-crackers.The technique isn’t quite refined yet. Here are some of my cracker-iterations:

Sunflower crackers #1:

sun seeds, pumpkin seeds, sesame seeds, oil, water, quinoa.

sun seeds, pumpkin seeds, sesame seeds, oil, water, quinoa.

I ground up the seeds and added oil and water, and spread the mash out on a baking sheet. Lots of oil oozed out – the natural oil in the seeds plus the oil I added, was too much. I coarse-ground some quinoa and covered the unbaked cracker with it. During baking, quinoa soaked up much of the oil. I scraped it off to the side as you can see. Crackers tasted not-half-bad.

Buckwheat crackers #1

whole ground buckwheat, millet, quinoa, spices, butter, water

whole ground buckwheat, millet, quinoa, spices, butter, water

These burned, and tasted too gritty, anyway (main problem with unhulled buckwheat flour in general)

Seeds crackers #2

seed flours, coconut butter, quinoa, (tapioca flour?)

seed flours, coconut butter, quinoa, (tapioca flour?)

…Nope.

Buckwheat crackers #2:

buckwheat, millet, quinoa, tapioca, butter or cocobutter (don't remember which), water

buckwheat, millet, quinoa, tapioca, butter or cocobutter (don’t remember which), water

Used a mix of grains plus tapioca to hold it together. This was actually edible, though weird.

Seed crackers #3

ground seeds, quinoa, oil...

ground seeds, quinoa, oil…

The white/light stuff in the pic is the oil, which bubbled out during baking. Halfway through baking, I drained off a bunch of oil. Lots of oil, even though quinoa is in with the flour this time. Edible; close but no cigar.

Seed crackers #4

seed flours, tapioca, water

seed flours, tapioca, water

I finally tried out without any oil added. Tapioca flour gave it a bready texture, but taste is totally nutty seed flavor. Not crispy. Not palatable.

Ah well, I learned a bunch about what doesn’t make a good cracker, and gained some ideas of how to make them next time.

But to leave you on a less depressing note, here’s something that DOES taste good: coconut milk +dandy blend + stevia + nutmeg and cinnamon. Mmmm, I can practically forget about all the dirty baking pans I have to wash…

::BK::

When Pancakes Go Wrong

some highly unappetizing pancakes.

Craters of the Moon, anyone?

Here I learned a lesson in the difference between hulled and un-hulled buckwheat flour. The first produces a batter similar in texture and appearance to wheat, and makes nice pancakes with just a different flavor. Un-hulled buckwheat flour, on the other hand, makes a batter with the consistency of creek sediment, doesn’t stick together, and the end results are more like souvenirs from Craters of the Moon National Monument, than edible cakes. They didn’t taste that great, either.

::BK::